Do Not Worry (from my diary July 2011)

Dear #PrisonerOfHope

I once heard someone saying sometimes the blessings of God come with burdens. It was winter of 2011, my children were coming home for the holidays. I had not seen them for a year. I was very excited about the prospect of seeing them again, every day spent without seeing your minor children, is a long time. Everything had been confirmed. They were landing early hours of Sunday morning. After our reunion at the airport, on our way home as we were conversing, I noticed something; they used to call me mummy but now it was just mum. Clearly a transition had taken place and I was not there to witness it. We drove home for a nap before heading to church.

Much as I was overjoyed by their presence (blessing), I was also worried by the fact that I had to feed them (burden). It was during my season of lack, I barely had enough for my own upkeep. Later that morning we made preparations to go to church. They loved going to church or maybe they loved the fact that the church is not far from Mac Donald’s. I usually took them to McDonalds after church. That morning, going to church presented another burden, which was taking them to McDonald’s after church. Staying at home was not an option, I needed the peace that comes with being in the presence of the Lord.

After church, I took them to McDonald’s, as if everything was fine. Everything was not fine at all. I was like a woman in the books of 1 Kings 17, who was going to prepare her last meal for her and her son to eat and die. I gathered the little I had left and presented it at the counter, and watched as they prepared meals for my children.

Later that evening, they went to sleep early, because they were still tired from their journey. That gave me enough time to engage in what was my favorite pastime “worrying.” I worried about the fact that I didn’t have enough resources to keep them for a month. I felt weak and defeated. Finally I gathered enough strength to leave my seat and go to my room. On my way, I passed their room. There they were, fast asleep, peacefully oblivious to their mother’s concerns. Once I entered my room, I was ready for an encounter. The Psalmist says ‘the Lord is close to the broken hearted’. My heart was in pieces. I had adopted an active prayer life, kind of aggressive sometimes, I had thought of myself as a prayer warrior, ready to confront any demon that dares rear its ugly head. But on that day I felt defeated, my knees were weak, I could barely stand. I went down on my knees next to my bed. I uttered a few words in prayer about my situation. Then I spent the rest of my prayer time crying. As I gathered enough strength to climb on my bed, I thought of my favorite scripture Romans 8 v 28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. As my head hits the pillow and ready to close my eyes I began to wonder if anything good can come out of the situation.

I woke up Monday morning more worried, but I had to face the day ahead. Later in the afternoon I remember I gave a friend a R1000, I can’t remember what it was for. I immediately gave her a call that I was going to need it. A R1000 it’s a lot of money when you have nothing. I asked her to deposit it into my new accounts since I was not sure if the old one was in good standing. She was doing an electronic transfer, and told me she was having problems with my new account. I then reluctantly asked her to transfer into the account I was unsure of. I thought that account was not linked to my phone since it has been inactive for a while.

To my surprise, I immediately received an notification on my phone that a R1 000 has been deposited into my account, but the balance reflected as something like R148 000. I immediately called her to check how much she has deposited and she confirmed a R1000. I looked at my phone thinking, “I hope this is not a sick joke”. I left everything that I was doing and rushed to the nearest ATM, and when I got there it was not working. The next time I was going to be able to go to the next ATM was in two hours. The uncertainty was torturous. After the time had passed, there I was at the ATM next to my home. R1000 was my daily limit on that account. I withdrew that amount and after that the machine got jammed without giving me the receipt to check my balance and no sms notification came through. I stood in front of that ATM more confused, “what is really happening?” I asked myself. Then an idea crossed my mind, to go to the garage and fill petrol in my car and pay using my card. When I got to the garage I was cautious enough not to ask for full tank. I asked the petrol attendant to pour R200. I anxiously waited for the outcome of the transaction, which then showed “transaction successful.” Not really sure of the drama that was unfolding, I was headed for Steers, I bought them food, using my card, result? “Transaction successful.” It was at that moment that I realized I indeed had money in my account. I called my sister, screaming at the top of my voice, telling her of what had just happened.

But where was it coming from? That night I did not sleep. This new blessing had placed a new burden in my life. What if the money got into my account by mistake? What if they discovered the mistake, and it’s all gone in the morning? These were some of the questions that flooded my mind. Obviously my first stop the next morning was at the bank. I was there before they open. As soon as they opened, I started looking for a face among the workers I can trust, and this beautiful lady approached me, I trusted the authenticity of her smile. I cautiously explained why I was there, followed her to her desk, gave her my ID. She checked on her computer and said that it was my pension money from an organization I worked some years ago. They had already paid my pension not once but twice. So this was my third pension. I asked for the money to be transferred to my other account. (I think you know why)

But I noted with great interest when the lady who was assisting me at the bank said the money cleared at midninght. At midnight, unlike Paul and Silas who worshipped and praise God, I was crying my eyes out to the Lord, not knowing that He was busy working a miracle for me.

The woman in the books of 1 Kings 17, thought she was going to prepare her last meal for her and her son to eat and die. Little did she know that God was working a solution to her problem.

From that day I knew without the shadow of a doubt that, God has my back. That day when I entered the house, I had a swagger on my walk.

Here a thing about God, He means what He says. When He says ‘Do not worry,’ He means just that. All we need to do, is to trust Him. Do Not Worry, Matthew 6 v 25 -34